Copy of ‘I Feel Guilty For Having No Sex Drive After Having Two Children’ (HUFFPOST)

A mum of a 17-month-old and three-year-old has opened up about the guilt she feels for having “no sex drive” since having her second child – and parents are relating hard.

The parent took to Reddit’s r/Mommit forum to say she and her husband have had sex about five times since her second child was born.

“We have talked about it and we both say the same thing … we are just so tired having a 3 year old and 1 year old,” she said.

“And we have very limited free time. We have a healthy relationship otherwise and genuinely like each other. It’s like we both have sort of lost interest in sex.”

The parent mused that maybe this is just something that happens when you’ve got two kids, but added she still feels “guilt” over it.

“We had a weekend away once since our kids were born and we did have sex several times then. Anyone else with similar situations?”

People sympathised and insisted this is normal for this period in their lives.

“I’m sorry ― dry spells like that can be very demoralising,” said one user in the comments. “But sex is not the only barometer for your relationship, you know? When you and your partner are both exhausted, you find other ways to connect.

“There will be a day when ... you will feel more like a person again. The way you feel now is not the way you will feel forever.”

Other parents of young children also took the opportunity to say they, too, are not having much sex. One noted: “I have a 3 year old and 5 month old twins. It’s not like I lost interest in sex, but all the stars have to be aligned for both me and my husband to feel in the mood at the same time, that we aren’t tired and that we have time.”

Why might sex lives suffer after having kids?

Aside from the obvious exhaustion and lack of time that comes with having children, there will probably be other factors at play here. Brace yourselves, there are quite a few.

“Priorities tend to change when people have children, especially in the early years as the needs of the children are so great that much time and energy is spent on tending to them,” Miranda Christophers, a relationship therapist from The Therapy Yard, told HuffPost UK.

“Throw in work, managing the home, life admin and other responsibilities and it leaves very little time for oneself which often impacts how you spend time with partners.”

An obvious factor here is that sleep takes a massive hit, as sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos, pointed out.

“The majority of couples with small children would agree that their sleep is affected negatively, and that they are more tired than before, and most humans have an evolutionary function where we prioritise sleep over sex if we’re very tired,” she explained.

“This, in combination with higher levels of stress, which also makes the body de-prioritise sexual desire, makes it even more difficult to find peace and lust for getting intimate!”

You might feel your focus and energy is simply consumed elsewhere (usually, with the kids), or be ‘touched out’ – a phenomenon where you crave a breather from physical touch. Some parents report this when they’re nursing or have young children clinging to them all the time.